I usually wait until the last minute to get things done. Something about the pressure at the eleventh hour pumps adrenaline through my body and gives me a rush that makes me bolder and moves me faster.
But there’s a down side. Sometimes when I wait too long to start, I end up running out of time. It causes me to to feel frantic, scattered, forgetful, and arrive late.
Most of my life I’ve felt guilt around my procrastination habits. I remember so vividly the first time I stayed up all night in the 5th grade.
I needed to write a book report on a chapter book. I hadn’t even read the book and the eight part report with illustrations was due in the morning.
I forced myself through it. I power read that book. I wrote a really good report. I did a great job on it. But I came to school shaky and exhausted. I regretted my decision. I knew my work was good but I also knew it could have been excellent and without the hangover.
Since then procrastination has just become something I’ve written off as a personality flaw. But is it?
What if procrastination is just a desicion to do a thing later. What if it isn’t bad or good, or have any meaning at all?
When l’m choosing to wait to start, I just need to remind myself that I am in fact making a conscious choice. I am in control of the situation and the results and effects that come from it.
I could choose to relax now, hang out now, do something else now, and later I can hustle up.
Or I can choose to get it done now and relax later.
The choice is always a personal decision. Neither choice is correct.
All that matters is if I feel that the choice has served me. If not I can choose to make a new choice next time. Just because I’ve always done something a certain way doesn’t mean I have to continue doing it that way if I feel it no longer makes sense. I can change right now.
So weigh the pros and cons of waiting until later but stop the guilt. Stop beating yourself up and feeling like you’re somehow failing just because you made a choice to do a task at the time you chose to do it.
It’s not the procrastination that destroys us. It’s the guilt.
If you like the adrenaline and it works for you, then work with it. Own it.
And if you do not, if you wish to have more calm and peace in your day and you feel that doing the task now will give you that, then make that choice and own that.
Decide who you are. And be who you are. Don’t ask for permission and don’t apologize. There are no rules and you’re not doing it wrong.
To your joy and abundance,
Agnes
